Every single one of us will experience trauma in our lives. Be it loss of a loved one, a bad relationship, a bad breakup, an illness. There’s no denying the sayings we all heard as young adults like ‘just wait till you get older you’ll see how cruel the world can be’………..
They were right weren’t they? We really do see, hear and experience more pain every year older we get. Every year I gain I seem to become increasingly confused by the ways of the world and why, sometimes, it hits good people with bad things!?
I often wonder how long it will take me to ‘let go’ of my most traumatic experiences. I mean, I’ve been through therapy, fitness and relaxation courses, meditation, mindfulness, CBT, re focusing strategies. You name it, I’ve tried it!
See I think the real issue here is that most of us wait for the day we will wake up and think wow that weight from my shoulders, it’s gone. I’ve processed and given myself closure, I’m free. But the truth is maybe that day will never come, or maybe we need to make it happen rather than sitting and waiting for the magic ‘reset’ button.
There’s only one person in this world who can make me shake, make me petrified of the past, the present and the future, all in one fine swoop of adrenaline. Is there really going to be one day whereby I wake up and breathe that shit out like, wahay I’ve done it, I’ve let go!?
I doubt it. Truth is, nobody else can put a timescale on our emotions and really, neither can we. Yes therapy and healthy living and everything that comes with a fantastic support network helps, tremendously, but it’s not a fix, most of it is merely a cover up. Like taking paracetamol for a headache. It may cause the pain to subdue but it doesn’t take the issue away, or the trigger, it only masks the route cause to temporarily stop us feeling the pain.
So what happens when we stop trying to ‘let go’? What if I said I’m not going to flight my anguish from the past or my fear of the future, nor am I going to fight it………I am just going to be. Present. Right now, in this moment, and then the next and then the next. If we could master living for the moment does the grief and fear lesson?
Well that’s my plan anyway, the next attempt at inner peace, to simply be in the moment more, revisiting the past and attempting to predict the future less.
If lockdown has taught me one thing, it’s definitely to appreciate the moment, I for one am certainly going to continue this new mindset in as many areas of life as possible.
Wish me luck – The past has gone. The future is waiting. But it is the here and now which matters the most. 💔