Most of us have been there, dating someone who classes themselves as damaged goods:
Think of us like a dog that’s been abused by a previous owner, it isn’t going to be as easy as getting a second hand pooch from a happy home – but I tell you now, if you can overlook our scars we will be the most loyal and loving companions you could ever hope for.
Please, let me set the ground rules:
- Be patient: We take longer to trust, we’ve been ‘destroyed’ sometimes both inside and out. We won’t give our hearts on a plate BUT I promise it will be worth it when we do (read on)………
- Be vigilant: If you raise your hand to reach for a glass from a high shelf it might trigger a time when that glass was subsequently thrown at us. If you ask us what we are doing at the weekend it may trigger a time when we weren’t allowed out. Think about your innocent actions / words and how they may take us back to dark places.
- Be gentle: everyone likes to have their hair stroked and be told they are pretty…..right? When someone has been made to feel worthless in the past it’s a hard thing to shake off, we need reassuring and sometimes, we need rebuilding.
- Reinforce: Give us more, just an extra 2 mins a day purely to tell us it’s all going to be ok and that we are worth it and that you’re not going to hurt us. Please.
- Actions: speak louder than words…….tell us 100 times and you may be in with a chance of us believing but prove it half a dozen times and we’ll be quicker to let our guard down.
- Remember: it’s not your fault. It’s not a reflection on you and your own words or actions. Sometimes we struggle to isolate reality and be present in the moment. We are not comparing you – we are still healing.
- Don’t pry: if / when we feel comfortable enough to tell you our ‘story’ we will. Please don’t ask too many questions about the dreaded subject. Victims have a tendency to feel shame, we need to overcome that before we can open up to you.
- Be realistic – if you want an easy life, a quick moving future and everything a fairytale romance usually consists of then the damaged ones may be too complicated for you. Don’t lead yourself into a storm if you only want sunshine and rainbows.
- Know that it WILL be worth it – I promise, we have a lot to offer. We know how fragile the heart is, we know how deeply one human can destroy another. But do you know what? That also means we love hard, we love true and we will love you, like nobody else ever has.